You honestly didn’t think guys buy gifts for women just for materialistic purposes, did you? One of the things that has been lost with hookup culture is the power men (and masculine people) once had to inspire actual love in women (and feminine people). Not only do you end up objectifying the people you are told not to objectify, but you don’t even get the opportunity to show them that they are more than a hole to you when you approach with a “no strings attached” agenda. In the cultures wherein men are no longer buying women gifts, the male sorcerer or observant Pagan who goes along with this ties his own hands.
Aside of showing a woman that you are capable of providing for her (one of the 3 P’s), a gift is your presence in her home or on her body. Far from marking your territory, it is evidence that someone cares for her wellbeing. Whether or not you stay with her, she stays with you, or if you die, physical things you give her affirm and validate her status. So you are doing a 100% benevolent thing when you spend on her, and 200% when you add your spiritual energy to it.
As much as possible, you should at least try to buy or craft gifts from ethical sources, at whatever level of awareness or activism you are. Try to buy things as close to the source as possible, and from people who will get at least a significant proportion of the profits from what they made. Etsy, eBid, and various smaller auction and shop sites are brimming full of artists, from makers of stuffed toys to fine jewelry.
Bonus if you support artists in places that have been exploited by larger companies in the past. There are cooperatives in Africa, India, Haiti, and other places where the people who make the products get the money. Just browse the internet.
What to Buy and When
First, let me say that you should be dating. Even if the relationship started with a wild whirlwind sexcapade, you should take her on a date as soon as possible. Neglecting this important step convinces her that either you are not manly or that you are not really interested in more than sex with her. She may act friendly, but the longer it took you to make a move to define the relationship as more than a hookup, the more likely she will be to shut you out for minor slights. She will be steeling herself against you, and this is the opposite of what you want. You want her to soften.
You also want her to get accustomed to receiving things from you. Eventually, you want her to understand that she can depend on you. Don’t go overboard or be overly compliant, but she should know that though she may not get all she wants from you, she’ll get all she needs from you. Not her boss at work. Not her other male friends. From you.
You consider her male family members the men you must be able to stand shoulder to shoulder to, because they shaped her standards for manhood. So as they do, you should consider the men she works with, especially her superiors, as a competitive influence. If she relies more on them than you, this is a problem. Even if you and/or she are polyamorous, and she is Dominant, Team Yours should be the primary male influence in her life. You should be the one(s) providing and protecting, or else you won’t be doing any penetrating for long.
So, for the first date, bring flowers, candy, or some other consumable item that she has mentioned that she enjoys. Plan ahead so that you can enchant it.
How to Enchant a Rose
You will need:
- a flower water vial or vase to keep it in until your date
- a pin or lancet for backup
- a square of gold leaf or pinch of gold flakes
Light some incense for your Gate Keeper and love deities, and do the required opening of ceremony.
Put some water in the vase or vial.
Take the rose in your left hand and say:
If my heart has found a treasure
Let this night be filled with pleasure.
From the dusk to dawn of day
Let this rose open the way.
Prick your left ring finger with one of the thorns, and squeeze a drop of blood into the water.
Then put the flower stem in the water.
Carefully put the gold into the center of the flower. Carefully. It should be hidden as well as possible.
Then re-situate yourself, and pass the flower through the smoke, from your left hand into your right hand, and if your spirituality is west African then:
Ashe. Ashe. Ashe!
Close the ceremony, and let the flower stay in the water for at least half an hour before your date.
You should enchant the gifts you give for various purposes, not just to have a fun night. Also, don’t forget that in order for this to work well, you need to be giving offerings to petition and to thank your deities. Keep the flow going in a positive direction.
If you opt for a perfume, you should enchant it to remind her of you every time she wears it. If you bring her candy, if possible give the first three pieces to Eshu, or at least three piece of the same sort to him if you can’t open the box you are giving your prospective partner.
At the beginning, if you’re not sure that you want to keep her, always provide some escape for yourself in your spell. Don’t do something that can’t be undone.
You should give some sort of small thing every time you go on a date or meet for sex. At first, flowers, candy, or other consumables, but on the seventh date, you want to start upping your game a bit. Bring her the usual but add something to it that she needs. What that is exactly depends on the woman. I would appreciate a guy filling my freezer with meat, but not every woman is me. Some are vegan. Just get used to anticipating her needs, supplying them, and along the way, enchant stuff.
Once your level of commitment reaches a certain point that you know you want to keep this woman in your life, and even if you are unsuccessful, you are happy to validate her status, then it’s time to buy jewelry. Some guys do this too early, so time it like this: first anniversary. When you have been with a woman a year, buy her a gold chain. After that, buy jewelry for her birthday, Valentine’s day or whenever your culture’s love day is, and other major gift giving holidays.
Before you start cringing about the expense, understand that it doesn’t have to be terribly expensive to be meaningful. A vintage Monet gold tone piece, or a bracelet of beautiful clay beads made by an artist in Haiti might be worth more to her than a diamond tennis bracelet. The point is not to break the bank, but to assure her that you are still on board as a provider, and get her used to wearing things that you give her.
By the way, where gold is a status symbol and sacred to Oshun, stainless steel is sacred to Ogun and very good in protection amulets. One of the gifts you give her, if she has to be away from you or does dangerous work, should be a stainless steel bracelet, ID tag, or other item she can wear safely, with protective symbols engraved on it. If you can’t engrave it then paint the symbols on with sacred mud during the enchantment ceremony, let it dry, and then rinse it off.
Gifting is an important part of the mating dance. It is as old and primal as humanity itself…actually as old and primal as being a fish or bird. Don’t buy any ideology that purports that we are smarter than Nature. Investing your resources is the way you show that you are invested emotionally.
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