Spell to Cure a Wanker Who’s Wasting Your (or His Own) Life

If your loved one (romantic or friend) has a problem with living in a world of fantasy and masturbating rather than having real life relations, this spell may be helpful.  It is meant to motivate him to keep his hands out of his pants, and his face out of the magazines and computer screen, and get him out to the real world of real women.

Light a red candle and anoint it with Eshu/Shango oil, rubbing/stroking from the bottom upwards.

Burn cinnamon or Eshu and Oshun incense.

Tickle your Eshu’s phallus or underbelly.

Greet Eshu, and ask him to open the gate for your words to travel through the Collective/Ori. You may have a photo of them or personal affect nearby. You can collect the ashes from the incense, and fold it into a bundle to keep in the Shango or erotic deity section of your altar.

Then say with feeling:

wanker who has crossed my path
may your cock feel Shango’s wrath
touch it with your dirty hand
and fire will swell your little man

’til you motivate yourself
to take your penis off the shelf
may you rash from any lotion
’til you get your ass in motion

Close the ceremony as usual.

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