Men and masculine people have it easier in some ways and harder in others. Every gender/familial role has certain duties that come with it. Men and masculine people must understand this above all, that the root of love for women and feminine people is admiration and respect. In order to love you, a woman must respect and admire you. If she does not then it is impossible for her to love you like a man. If she pities you or sees you as cute, she may love you as a pet. She may assign some affection to you on good faith if you show willingness to earn her respect and admiration. However, until the day she has solid reasons and enough experience with you that you have shown her that you are admirable and worthy of respect, she does not truly love you in any way that will be enduring. To earn her admiration and respect as a man, you have to be performing the role of a man in her life.
If you are the masculine or more masculine head of a family, your job can be summed up in what I like to call the 3 P’s of husband-ing:
You are responsible for the physical protection of the household. If you are disabled or principally against physical combat for some spiritual reason, you should make the arrangements for the physical protection of your partner and family.
In modern times, this role has taken somewhat of an ideological hit, but biologically, unless or until men start having periods and getting pregnant, it’s men’s and masculine persons’ job to bring in the resources. Realistically, women should help with this, but as far as whose duty it is, this is the man’s. You make the money and bring it home to your woman to manage it.
You need to be having sex with your woman. If you aren’t then there are many others who will. Sex triggers bonding emotions and hormones that nothing else does. So once you get the green light, go, go, GO!
As a man, there is a high possibility that sometime during your 40’s or 50’s, you may not be able to have penetrative sex anymore, or as often or as long as you did when you were younger. If you want your woman to stick with you after that, you had better have filled her with enough “glue” to ensure some fond memories.
…and another thing: whatever extras you are into don’t count. I understand people like to mix it up a bit, but if you are not having regular normal sex as a priority over whatever fetish, she will be finding someone else to have normal sex with, and it will be your fault for not taking care of her needs. Kinky should be the spice, not the dish. Yes, there are some exceptional women, but they are extremely rare, and if you encounter one like this, you may be lucky…or she may be lying to you to please you. You’d better know before you rest on what you think you know.
Why Things Go Wrong
They may go wrong because you are a bad match, or the relationship was meant to be temporary. To find out what is going on, you should get a love reading. Then you’ll know whether it is worth pursuing a solution, or if it’s best to just move on.
If the Orishas (or whichever deities your diviner is asking) are all affirmative, but your woman is still distant, leaving, or gone, then it is likely that you are not doing one or more of the 3 P’s. It’s that, or you have said or done something that has made her insecure about your ability or willingness to do or keep doing the 3 P’s.
Let me make it very clear: if you are failing in one of those areas, as much sentimental attachment a woman may feel for you, she will not commit or stay committed to you. If something is missing, she is already looking out the door, or gone. If someone else comes along who will do these simple basic things that a man should be doing for his partner, she will leave you for him.
So, before you ask me or any other witch to do a love spell for you, make sure that you are willing and able to do the 3 P’s for a woman. No amount of witchcraft will keep your woman if you are trifling.
Being the King
Hopefully, your woman is keeping the ways of Oshun, but if she is lacking in some areas, don’t judge. No woman is perfect, but for the sake of having a happy relationship and happy home, there should be certain essentials. You should help by appreciating her work to manage her home, and by doing the chores that require strength and dealing with gross things.
You should also add your energy to her spiritual protection efforts, and give offerings to Eshu (or your pantheon’s Gate Keeper), and deities of strength and leadership to give you the strength and courage to protect your home. Men often don’t realize this, but evil eye can harm you too. If you have a woman with just a spark of femininity, a slight hint of beauty, and just a tiny flicker of nurturing that shines through, there are men out there who would love to have her…but you men have an added threat.
When women look on another woman’s man with the evil eye, they usually imagine marrying that man or winning his heart. When other men look on your woman with the evil eye, their intentions may be sweet, but most of the time they are not. There are men out there who, given the chance, would do terrible things to your woman, and this is darker than someone wanting to marry her. At least if someone wants to do something good to her, that is technical theft, but at least not harming her. Most of the time, the lustful eyes of men are not radiating any kind of benevolent intention…and you know this.
So this is why you add your energy to the protection. She may be worried about someone taking you away from her, or you, she, or your children becoming ill or sick from other people’s jealousy for the blessings you have together. She may not be thinking about the things you are aware are lurking behind people’s envious stares. So give some energy and offerings yourself, or add to the offerings she gives.
Don’t forget to serve the guests with the protective glasses and plates. Make sure the protective items are in their place, and cleaned, dusted, or maintained by your hand sometimes. Eat at home or have your food prepared at home to take with you as much as possible instead of eating out. If you do eat somewhere else, when you get home, pop a square of witch cake or something you know has cleansing herbs in it. Help her to help you.
The Scent of a Man
According to scientists, sperm counts have lowered in the past 100 years. There are many environmental reasons including but not limited to poisons and pesticides, and the lifestyle changes that have come with modern urban life. So your body chemistry is simply not what your grandfather’s was at the same age. Unless you are very exceptional, or make a point of engaging in martial arts, intense sports, or do some sort of work that is dangerous, you do not smell very manly.
Since scent is an extremely important emotional trigger for women, this is something to correct. Men do not smell musk as well as women, so you don’t notice the difference as much, but we do. If you find that women are noticing you from a distance, but losing interest once they get close to you, it may be because you smell more like a woman than a man, or something in your scent reminds them of someone who failed them in a crucial way (like not doing the 3 P’s). Women can forgive many things, but being unmanly is one of the near universal deal breakers. If you even remind them of someone who failed them in the way of not being man enough, nothing is going to happen, or your relationship will stop in its tracks.
Fortunately, there are some old standard oils to help you smell more attractive and enhance your masculine energy. Shango oil is a good one for almost everyone. There are different recipes, some for wearing and some for devotion. Some are okay for both. Just make sure to ask which is for what when ordering. Some of the devotional oils contain hot peppers or spicy ingredients that would irritate the skin. Same goes with Come to Me oil. Some are made for women, and some for men; some for wearing, and some for ceremonies.
Aside of how you smell, the smell of your residence is important. Part of your preparation for having sex should be the lighting of incense. This is a good and fast offering of thanks to the deities who brought you the woman and the virility to satisfy her, and it helps to set the mood.
Black Love incense is famous for this. You can also mix your own combination of cinnamon, benzoin, myrrh, blue lotus, and deer musk. If you need her to forgive you for something, a bit of balsam Peru is good, but go easy on this.
The Ways of Ogun
Though Shango and his children tend to be more popular in fantasy, and sought after for sex in real life, the man who wants stable relationships would do better to keep the ways of Ogun. Focus on your role as a protector, provider, and good sexual companion. Keep your feet on the ground.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t be concerned with being charismatic or exciting. Just that these take a back seat to the practical aspects of manhood if your goal in life is to someday see successful great grandchildren.
- Have combat skills. It is important for a man to be able to fight. You should do martial arts or some sort of “backyard wrestling” or “fight club” activity regularly. A sport that puts you at the mercy of Nature such as rock climbing, surfing, or skydiving is good too, but back that up with some combat related activity. Being gym pretty is not enough. If you can, some quality time at the shooting range is also good.
- Be a hunter and/or farmer. Being less dependent on the infrastructure to feed you is a good thing. It makes your woman feel much more secure to know that even if you are out of work, they won’t be out of food. She will at least have what to sell in hard times aside of her jewelry.
- Be invested and well regarded in your family and community. This will make the difference if you are not a very charismatic man or great speaker. Others will do the work of speaking on your behalf. If the people around you are too stifling or oppressive, then find a community that suits you, that you can feel comfortable contributing to. Creating a secure village means having a secure partner who is not alone, and has other women around to help keep her on track. It’s hard to have stable relationships in unstable communities.
- Have happy and supportive male friends with similar goals. This is related to investing in your community. You don’t want friends who are always dragging you down, putting obstacles in your path, badmouthing relationships, and being generally downers. You also sometimes need an escape from home who will send you back home when the male bonding dudes’ night out is over.
- Stay clear of too much alcohol or other intoxicating substances. In legend, Ogun is a great drinker, but most of the stories of his drinking are cautionary tales. Being drunk or high too often will impede your ability to perform the 3 P’s.
- Save money, but don’t be a cheapskate. Because part of your main role is to be a provider, you need to build a home for your woman. This is something that, in modern times, many men no longer feel is required of them, and some women are very forgiving. However, in societies that still have women invested in the care of their children, the men are still invested in providing for them. Do not expect a woman to be thinking of a future with you if you are not thinking about a future with her. Before you marry or begin trying to persuade someone to marry you, have enough saved to buy a home that can house as many children as you would like to have, even if you don’t actually plan to buy one or buy one right away. If you have inherited or already bought a home, make sure it is suitable.
It is a hard thing to say, but in matters of the heart, I am compelled to be truthful in order to actually help people. Many men desire love in their lives, but they are simply not suitable. They try all sorts of tricks and tactics, and unscrupulous people promise them many things, but the bottom line is that unless you are ready for the 3 P’s, Nature is not going to bless you with a stable relationship. Some of you out there may be very good men in personality, but you are simply not prepared or qualified to keep a woman who isn’t bending over backwards and going against her biology to be with you. Some women are afraid to be alone, or are being practical and settling for a man who is unsuitable, but women who do this are literally killing themselves for their men. They are working in jobs that are killing them, taking risks with their health and lives, and living in conditions that will take them to an early grave.
Those who over idealize love, I respect their romanticism, but this comes at a price. It will be much easier for you to simply do as Nature built you to do, than to try to fight Nature for some romantic ideal disconnected from reality. Your masculinity is not toxic. In fact, it is the heat that makes passion happen in women. Without it, you have a room mate, not a wife.
If you want to keep your woman, keep your manhood.
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