When I was a young lady, the women who taught me magic also taught me how to serve my community by protecting people’s households and helping women to keep their men faithful or at least make sure they returned home safely. As grateful as I am to have been given these gifts, I learned the hard way to take this advice for myself, and lost my first fiance and later my first husband due to youthful arrogance and wishing to be “fair”.
…but my dears, all is fair in love…
I let my ego get in the way of flowing with Nature when it came to matters of the heart. When I pushed my ego out of the way and began to take charge of my home, lo and behold, things improved for me. Understand that love is one thing, and commitment is another. Men can love fifty women, but they commit only to the ones who dominate them. Commitment is a matter of domination, and though your man should feel free, he should not actually be free.
I will warn you that this is a very long article with lots of information. It may be too much to take in at one time, so definitely bookmark this page and return to it from time to time. You’ll want to get all of this. I also add tips from time to time when I think of them or something reminds me of some wisdom that needs to be passed to others on the subject. If you have any tips from your family, or if you have any questions or opinions about what is here, feel free to comment. Young ladies need this advice, so don’t be stingy. Share it. Oshun will bless you for spreading more joy and love in the world. 🙂
If you are engaged, married, or your man has at least spoken of marriage, this is the signal to begin a protection regime. The first priority in this is to be square with your protection deities. You do not have to suddenly become a priestess, but you should at least consult clergy or a root worker about giving scheduled offerings to your protection and marriage deities. This is especially important if you used any magic to gain the commitment.
For efficiency, many people do an offering to Eshu (or their traditional Gate Keeper) just before they begin any protection projects, and then a yearly maintenance offering. Wealthy people can do this every three to six months, but most people in my tradition go for the yearly offering in June for Eshu day. Some who are rootworkers do this for their own homes on New Years day. This adds power to your protection efforts. Then your intent calls power from the energy of your offerings without having to be daily observant like a priestess or root worker.
The Ways of Oshun
You should also keep the ways of Oshun, the west African deity of love, prosperity, and bonding and domination. In a nutshell, this means:
- Be clean and well groomed and optimize your beauty in any way that does not threaten your health, future beauty, or integrity, or violate a taboo that you have sworn to. Try to look your best at all times possible. Even your housedresses and pajamas should be pretty. If you don’t have much money, then get handy with the needle, or enlist the help of friends. Keep your kids looking nice too, but don’t prevent them from playing outside and getting dirty. Kids should be joyful.
- Dance. Dancing glorifies Oshun and it is good exercise. Express your feminine energy and make it move the world around you to give you blessings.
- Keep a clean home. This is especially important in the kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. Keep your bed a comfortable place that makes a man feel as if he is visiting a special sanctuary of comfort and pleasure.
- Get rid of or repair all broken things. Repair or discard all torn, ill fitting, or otherwise unwearable clothing. If something is broken or unusable, but has high sentimental value, it should be placed in storage or given a proper honorable place.
- Try to wear green, yellow, or blue, or some combination on Saturdays, because these are Oshun and many other love deities’ auspicious colors.
- Be kind and generous towards beauty and fashion workers.
- Eat citrus fruits and vegetables high in citric acid because these are sacred to Oshun.
- Put out water for local stray animals and birds during the dry seasons, especially if there are parrots, crows, or ravens around. You should also tend to the local cats and porcupines.
- Never compromise or go along with things that would inhibit your man’s ability to do the three P’s of manhood: protect, provide, and penetrate. If your man starts to waver into the postmodern darkness, simply do not approve. You can be as crazy about this as suits your temperament and personality, but do not let him become useless. An adherent or aware grateful woman of Oshun should demand that the men in her life reciprocate her nurturing and adding value and inspiration to their lives. If they can’t or won’t then they are better off gone…but they won’t leave unless they are complete losers. Even some losers will still return vowing to be better men, after life gets done whipping them for being useless. You make sure they keep those vows.
- Value your natural beauty despite the trends. We were not all born to be models and actresses, and you can ruin yourself trying to keep up with fashion. Don’t only think about how you look today. Think of how you will look in 20 years. Keeping your man requires keeping the essential things that were beautiful about you longer than the rest. Beauty for the wifely type of woman is an endurance marathon, not a sprint.
- Stay out of debt, or do all that you can to get out of debt. Use debit cards if you don’t carry cash, and only use your credit cards for dire emergencies. Do not marry someone who is in debt unless he gives you “first crack” authority over all the spending. Men and women think differently and do not manage money the same. Men are thinking about how much they have in the bank at the moment, but women think of what will happen if there is a war or disaster. Lose any guilt around money when it comes to your household. Though he is the king of the home and has the final word on things, you are the queen, and it is up to you to determine how the resources are going to be distributed. There is no mine or his in a marriage, only ours. A woman should still however, have a secret stash in case something goes wrong. When you have enough money in savings to survive a year just on that, then you are at 0, not just when your account is at 0. 0 is actually closer to $20,000.
Stable, secure women who prioritize their household’s wellbeing, and are in control of things keep their man. Unstable, insecure women who fear control don’t. A man can be a flakey good for nothing, and if he has a tiny blip of manhood in him, be transformed by a woman who keeps the ways of Oshun. If he doesn’t have it then there is nothing to do…but if he has even just a little bit, the fact that you are being the queen you are will make something move in him. If you do that for him, then he will stay with you through all sorts of craziness in the world around him.
Protective Home Items
Until you are actually cohabiting, his home is your territory even though you haven’t moved in. So you need to give him some useful item as a sort of preview protection. The best things are cobalt blue glasses and/or dishes. Later, when you make a home together, you should try to get cobalt blue or blue and white things for serving guests. If you are a witch and giving offerings to Eshu, Hecate, or another Gate Keeper regularly, you can use black and white, especially with zig-zag, crossing, and triangular patterns. Most people should stick to the old fashioned blue though.
If you are not a witch, then your witchy friend or helper will tell you how to prepare the glass(es) or dish(es) so they are activated for protection. It can be decorative or for actual use, but it should be there.
Another very important thing to remember is that areas where you receive guests should not have fine items that a person can focus on and desire overmuch. You do not need to look cheap, but save the most valuable things for more private areas of your home. The exception to this are things with built in evil eye protection, such as crystal with eye shapes or angular, reflective designs. The priority for the guest areas of your home should be comfort and aesthetics, not extravagance.
Cobalt blue glasses are well known for protective properties. They protect a home from the evil eye, which can severely damage relationships. When the woman of the house has blessed them, they also protect from other women who may want to take your man.
While we’re talking about evil eye, there are many protective traditional items that work against it. The Hamsa, Wadjet, Turkish eye, diamond shaped mirrors, angular cut crystal, and a host of other things help to ward off the evil eye. Another important thing that dissipates evil eye is items that wish your guests luck.
Keep a dish of candy on your coffee table that guests are free to take. Bonus if it has some good luck symbols. If someone has done some kindness for you, serve them sweets or at least coffee or tea. Try to not let anyone leave your home with empty hands or an empty belly.
To protect your family and friends from ill will, you should use protective herbs and spices in your cooking, such as:
- sea salt – protects from “vagrant” spirits
- black pepper or long pepper – protects from misfortune
- dill – protects from psychic/subtle psychological attacks, makes one more resistant to subliminal messages
- cloves – attracts good fortune
- nigella seeds – protection from ill health
- oregano – protection from corrupt authorities
- cayenne and other hot red peppers and chiles – protection from unwanted love spells/sexual attention
- rose – generally protective
- rosemary – generally protective
Pastries and breads in crossed, braided, and diamond shapes are also protective. Say a short prayer of protection while making each crossing. When you serve long pasta, braid three strands of it on purpose, with your prayers. Other foods that enhance your household are:
- basil – sacred to Ogun and helps men to stay useful and industrious, and also keeps the flow of money to your home
- honey – brings sweetness and joy
- grapes and raisins – makes hard times seem not as bad, gives endurance, and helps in recovery from workday stresses
- garlic – protects from illness, reduces recovery time when it happens anyway, and repels energetic vampires
- collard greens, kale, and the green cabbage leaves – very healthy, but also attracts money to your home
- fenugreek – added with intent, helps to enhance loyalty and bonding
- fennel – generally protective, but for some unknown reason, especially protective against interloping women
Many foods have life enhancing properties. When you find things that work, use them often. Also, never underestimate the value of cooking. It is very important for a woman to know how to cook, and to do so regularly. Some advice that I got from Arden Keren, my ile’s queen and senior child of Oshun is to have set meal times, and don’t worry too much about variety. Figure out a simple, balanced meal that your man could eat every day and never tire of. If he had a conscious mom, this is usually going to be something close to what she served him every day because she didn’t have time for no gourmet fancy pants mess. Maybe it’ll be what he ate in the military. Either way, consistency in food helps in keeping your man. It makes him feel secure, and meets one of his basic primal needs that he would have to really consider carefully before giving it up.
Some examples of simple suppers are:
- baked chicken, a potato, and cooked vegetables
- schnitzel, ptitim, and a salad
- beans and rice, and a salad
- chicken stew or stir-fry, fufu, and cooked greens or salad
- stir fry, noodles, and salad
Basically, keep it simple and steady. This is also very economical. I halved my grocery bill taking Arden’s advice. Nobody is bored and nobody is complaining. In fact, they are happier since whether or not they will like dinner is no longer a dice roll. There are also no leftovers to spoil.
If your family does like leftovers or there is just no way to get everybody to the table at the same time every day, try make-ahead meals. Refrigerate or freeze them. This is what my husband’s mom used to do, and she kept her man until he died at a very old age.
Your Man’s Head Orisha
If you know your man’s head Orisha or the primary deity he embodies, this will help you in getting the most out of your relationship, and being the kind of Queen he needs you to be. I will highlight a few of them here, so you can understand how you’ll need to manage them. Some of what I’m about to say may make some men angry, but deep down they know this is the truth.
Children of Eshu have both a child and an old man living in their psyche. They often prefer older women because there is both their inner “Jebadiah” who still holds some love for their old wives in past incarnations, and the toddler who remembers the favorite auntie who gave them candy when mom wasn’t watching. They also, for some reason, go for crazy and/or sexually promiscuous women.
So if you are older than your Eshu head, do not try to be younger, and do not try to be too nice or too sane. You will bore him or scare him away. You will need to guard him specifically from crazy and mercenary women. Even if he is against it, require that he wear a wedding ring at all times. You may want to opt for a titanium or silicone ring that he can wear at all times. Bonus, order one from your root worker so they can enchant it before sending it to you.
Let me just put this out there. There is no way to keep a child of Shango monogamous. Period. To attempt to do this too much will kill him. Get used to the idea of sharing him, but if you are an alpha type female, you can at least be his primary partner or first priority. To do this, you will need to behave like a Queen. Do not attempt to regulate him overmuch, but do not submit to him in any way outside of the bedroom. Do not show him any insecurity. However, when you need something from him, speak up. Be confident with him, and be explicit about what you want from him. Use every method possible to keep him interested, using “layering” of magic. Have everything from your laundry detergent to your perfume to the food you cook for him to your floor wash coated in love magic.
Children of Ogun are very analytical, and sometimes overly rational. Their temperaments can range from dedicated artist to nerdy engineer. The usual Ogun head though, is a born mechanic, blacksmith, or someone else who works with his hands. You will never starve with an aligned child of Ogun. Their joy in life is being useful and building things. Problems occur however, when they are misaligned. So you will have a wonderful, consistent, loyal man so long as you mold and maintain him. Keep him away from alcohol or drugs. If he needs them to manage pain, then you should hold the supply.
It doesn’t take much witchcraft to hold a child of Ogun once he is bonded to you. Just don’t betray him, and when he is down or depressed or going through a hard time, take care to remind him why he is working so hard. You will need to make sure to keep your home protections strong, and use lots of peaceful home oils, scents, and floor washes. Keep the ways of Oshun, and occasionally bathe yourself in blessed honey.
What to Do if You Have Already Lost Your Man
As soon as possible, you should try to gather some of his personal effects. This could be hair, nail clippings, or anything that he has used. If all you can find is something he has thrown in the trash, understand that the trash belongs to Eshu and he does not like it when someone takes away from it. So for every item you take, you must put back three coins or three pieces of candy, or three cigarettes or cigarillos.
Keep these things in a bag in a safe place. You will need them to either give to your rootworker or to add them to a talisman that they will give you.
If you aren’t already, start keeping the ways of Oshun NOW. You may have lost your man because you were neglecting something, or because someone did some roots to take your man, or because you were simply incompatible, or for whatever reason. It doesn’t matter why. Keeping the ways of Oshun will ensure that he has a stable home to return to, and that if he doesn’t, there will be a wide open channel for Oshun to bring you other blessings like money, opportunities, or a new man. If you choose to do a reconciliation spell, then you will need to help your rootworker to help you. Read this page for more advice on what to do while you have an Oshun working in progress.
More Tips to Keep Your Man
Powder your bed. Use talcum powder under your sheets near the foot of your bed. Do not use this near the middle or head. Aside of keeping your bed fresh and cool in the summer, this helps to keep your man’s thoughts on the right track.
Put a small drop of your pee in his shoes. Lift up the insole, and put a drop of your pee in his shoes. This will make sure he returns to you.
Close the physical distance! Many women today choose careers or make career moves that put them far away from their man. Never do this by choice. Just don’t. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder. The reason is somewhat complicated, and I have a cute story about how I figured the testosterone and touch needs thing out by watching my male cats and then watching humans, but basically males NEED touch. It’s not a want or something they can take or leave. It is a NEED…like food and water. You should consider sex with your man something on the level of breastfeeding your child. A touch starved man, even if he is in love, will either go nuts or leave. You can lose him to a horrible woman or even just a random one, from not being there to touch him.
So if you have no choice but distance, make sure to touch him as much as possible when you are together. Make a map of trails where your fingertips have been on his skin all over his body. This is what he will remember about you. Consult your rootworker about how to make your touch stick in his brain like the web of a spirit-spider. Yes, this is part of why you put the Oshun oil on your wrists.
Make him witch cake when you suspect someone else may be using love magic on him. If your man got around, give extra attention when you add the ginger. This will help clear his memory of ex girlfriends, and their hold on him.
Again, don’t fear the domination magic. Consult your root worker, and use any and all means you can to keep your man.
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